January 14, 2009

Deep Thoughts

Our Book Club (check out the blog: http://bookclub37312.blogspot.com/) met last night to discuss The Alchemist. I was typing an e-mail to a couple friends about my thoughts on the book. As I was typing, I thought it would be a good post for my blog....so here you go!

I felt like I had to hurry through it, trying to finish before Book Club. Actually, I was only half way through the epilogue before we met. I feel like there was so much more to absorb, if I had given myself more time.

The search for the "Personal Legend" really hit home for me. We talked a lot about Andrea and how brave she was to go to PC for the winter. I have always said that my job is a means to and end. Money the means, life is the end. So I think that being unsatisfied for 40 hours a week but being mostly satisfied when I leave is usually ok....maybe worth it. One of the reasons I pushed AKB to go out west was because she could. Maybe I made her go out and try to find MY personal legend.

Regardless, this inspired a lot of personal dissatisfaction for me. Sometimes a "means to an end" really isn't worth it. Not that I am unhappy. Not that I really have a burning desire to do something else. I feel like the baker and the crystal shop owner. I had life, a dream, goals. But somewhere along the way they were crushed. Someone told me (or maybe I decided) that I couldn't do those things. So now I sit at a desk, unfulfilled, day in and day out. I think I make good money for Cleveland. I have lots of holidays off. But "working for the weekend?" Is that all there is?

I truly felt joy and happiness for Santiago when he made choice after choice to keep going after his Personal Legend. I was so proud. When we discussed this last night, I expressed how I feel like fate has brought me to where I am. Not choice. And maybe that is part of the resulting feelings. I was surprised to hear that 2 of the four of us felt like they were living their Personal Legends. It is kinda mind blowing to me. Maybe I have always thought my dreams are unattainable....maybe that is part of why I am where I am.

Those are just a few of my thoughts.... maybe I need to actively try to discover what my personal legend might be. Maybe we need to move. I don't think a baby is anywhere near the answer for me.....but maybe it is. I don't know.

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